19th Birthday. 2013.

Simple and nice, which makes things even more memorable. 

I realize it isn't the most glamorous or expensive things that makes us simple but the sincerely simple ones. I don't really like cakes on my birthday because it just seem so common. I rather prefer a home cooked dinner with my family. Or just hanging out with my close friends. That would be enough. With some photos to complete the birthday. 

What's the point on having great events, and surprises if we don't appreciate or even remember it? Personally, taking photos is the best way of remembering a particular event or occasion. 

So, below are the things I ate and did for my birthday. It started with a plate of crab. Simple dish that I made myself. 14th Oct.

My first slice of cake bought by Fiona. :) and some chocs above too.

This was cooked by my sister, Emily, after prayer meeting. ;)

A great gift from Gab & Em. Love it. :D

No cakes, just wonderful dinner! 

 16th Oct. 

Just a few glimpse on the japanese buffet lunch I had at Maiu, Sri Petalling.

Well, much to say about my birthday but I think the photos will do most of the talking. My mock exams are around the corner though. Can't really relax while my finals is around the corner. 

All in all, I thank God for my 19th birthday. :) And looking forward for next year by His grace. Nights.

Why didn't you help me?

This incident happened 2 hours ago near my house - Taman Mawar, Puchong. 

It was another typical day afterI played basketball and was walking back home soaked with sweat. As I was reaching this particular dark and gloomy junction due to a malfunctioned streetlight, I noticed 2 motorcycles each with a passager on their bikes. Which made a total of 4 guys. At the same time, there were an aunty walking 10 meters in front of me, away from there. 

Deep in my heart, I could sense God telling me to be alert. My mind went on full alert mode on what should I do if those guys charge towards me. They were 20 meters away as I approach them. I came up with 2 options, I could run the opposite direction, and jump across a drained onto a higher platform which was near me or I could just dash straight away leaning left from them as they charge to me on my right. My mind was ready to fight or flight in any point of time as I really sense strongly that something is going to happen. 

As I held the keys closely in my fist, one of them scolded me in Bahasa Malaysia saying :"Oi pundek, balik rumah la". I wanted to reply, but it just seem silly to provoke them. I quickly walked pass them and a sense of peace and relieve feeling I had in me. I was thank God in my heart. 

After split seconds, I heard their motorbike rafting towards me. A strong adrenaline gush filled my body and as soon as I turn to look. They weren't targeting me but the aunty who was walking ahead of me few seconds ago and was now behind me. Dogs started running away from me. The aunty in her late 60's screamed and yelled for helped with all her might.  It was a solid 10 seconds of stun. My whole body weren't able to move and my thought were all screwed up. I wanted to run and help her, but there were 4 guys armed with helmets on their hands. 

It was selfish of me to think of my own safety first. I really wanted to help her, but my head keep thinking is there any other way. When I ran towards them, the aunty was robbed. Her handbag was snatched away. She was extremely nervous and so was I. The whole scene was chaotic. Neighbours started coming out of their house to see what is the whole noise all about. The aunty asked me, why didn't you help me?  My heart sanked and I was utterly speechless. I knew whatever answer I give her will be an excuse. 

I would really want to apologize for my selfishness and the inability to make quick decisive decision to help that aunty. For those who read my story, most will come with 2 conclusion. 

1) What a selfish guy who don't even offer help and instead stood and watch. or

2) Aiyar, what could he possibly do? There's 4 guys there armed with helmets. There's absolutely no reason to help as it would endanger his life. 

I was a guy who is category number 1. Thinking why people always stand or even ignore all these sence. I was have a childlike, hero complex mindset that ever this incident happen in front of me. I'll punch like Bruce Lee, and save the day like Batman. Like what we see in movies. But it's the opposite of what I thought when it really happen in front of me.

For those who agree with point number 2, what if that was your mom, sister, relative, or best friend? Or better still, you. You are the victim, and everyone else stand and wave. Stood there like they were singing our national anthem. Would you feel angry, sad, and disappointed that no one even tried to help. To just at least help shout, or scare them away. 

I discerned that they were ready to rob her, but because of my presence, they were distracted and disturbed. That's why one of them ask me to "balik la". Right after I had a good distance away from the aunty, they went to rob her. 

Some typical tips,

• ladies, and also guys, please don't use your handphones or hold your handbags around an open area, especially dark, isolated areas.

• Always be on alert, don't take things for granted. If you ever be a victim, don't fight back. You could save your belonging, but risk losing your life. 
• And most importantly, always pray for your safety and the safety of others. 

Anyway, I'm just here to share my thoughts. That we shouldn't live in a world that is about me, I and myself. 

We ought to love our neighbour, friends, family, and even strangers, as we love ourself. (Matthew 22:39). If we, humans, could come to have this mindset and act it out. This world, could really be a better place. 

All in all, I thank God that she was not majorly hurt. And also, I would really like to apologize for doing absolutely nothing. I'm really sorry aunty. From the bottom of my heart. 

as the going gets tough, the tough gets going

It's inevitable to hide from problems. But often, we deceive our self by running away from it. Thinking, the more we run further from it, or ignoring it, we are able to numb it, or forget about it. Truth to be told, the problem will always be there no matter how swift you can outrun the wind.

God often takes a man. Soak him in anguish, a burden, problem, trials, tribulations, need, or any other means that causes a man to realize that his might, strength, and soul within him alone could not change the current agonizing situation. That's when, we turn to God. God, in His awesome wisdom, and power, knew if we could have all the power to alter anything, we would never depend on God.

God knew :

- if we were perfect, we would not depend on God.
- that we needed salvation.
- we needed absolute truth
- we needed love, perfect love.
- we needed hope
- we need grace
- that sin separated us from Him, so Jesus Christ had to die for us, so that there is hope once again.
- we have to change our wicked ways, and turn our eyes back to Him.
- we needed time to change, so He gave us sufficient grace.
- God knew, that we needed Him, and only Him to survive on earth, and in Heaven.

God knew everything we needed. He is indeed control of everything.

Although He knew that we all would turn our ways against Him, He still did not give up on us. Still full of Love, Grace, Compassion, Mercy, Truth, Power, Majesty, and always Fair, Just, and Righteous.

As for now, it felt like I'm stuck in a cave far away from the nearest source of light. I believe, with faith, that my God, will be able to shine, in my darkest cave tonight.

Amen.

Stop pushing?

By doing what is right. To follow what is truth. To show sincere, true, unconditional love, to those who needs it. Even to those we hate. It's not easy. It's really a big challenge. I believe we are put here for a reason. This tribulation and trial. 

Once upon a time I was an ordinary guy, seeking for ordinary things. Seeking for the world's attention and love. Storing up glory and treasures on earth. But then I started to realize, these things will fade away. One day, you can never have it forever.

It's never easy facing problems, trials, persecution often. It pushes to our carnal limits to the extend we have to seek for God's strength to move on. God allows all these things to happen because He wants us to trust in Him. To depend on Him.

There's nothing of the flesh can give us joy. My only will is to do God's will. Why is it so hard.. God.. Why..

"25 My soul clings to the dust;
Revive me according to Your word.
²⁶ 

26I have declared my ways, and You answered me;
Teach me Your statutes.
²⁷ 

27Make me understand the way of Your precepts;
So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works.
²⁸ 

28My soul melts from heaviness;
Strengthen me according to Your word.
²⁹ 

29Remove from me the way of lying,
And grant me Your law graciously.
³⁰ 

30I have chosen the way of truth;
Your judgments I have laid before me.

³¹ 

31I cling to Your testimonies;
O Lord, do not put me to shame!
³² 

32I will run the course of Your commandments,
For You shall enlarge my heart."

Psalms 119:25-32


But still, I will run to You. Forever. Should I give up? Never. Never will I give in. Never will I.. 

Learning to love.

Each time I open my eyes, it puts a HUGE smile on my face. :D Just to know that I'm alive, and I'm redeemed, loved, cared by a humble God. Prayer had been a part of my life. I try my best to be constant in prayer. To keep living in devotion with God. Constantly asking for a passionate and anguished heart for God and His people. My friends and my family. :) 

Since God loved us all, I should learn to love them. Since God chose to forgive and give sufficient grace those who confess and repent, I shall do it too! Since God never gave up on me, I will never give up on my friends and family. Even it takes me to love my enemy, to talk to them, to show grace to them, to do something to them out of kindness and love, I shall learn to do it. 

In life, our carnal and selfish ways are always the opposite from God's way. Which always teach us righteousness, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

It's easy to listen and say it. To say that we'll do a particular thing with love. Until it becomes a lifestyle. But the challenge is doing it. For the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. That's why, we should always depend on the Holy Spirit to teach us, guide us, remind us. 

A thousand times I've failed Still your mercy remains.

A song that always put a great weight on my heart each time, without fail, is - From the inside out by Hillsong.

"A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains 
And If I stumble again
I'm caught in our grace"

It just puts me to shame, that I keep making mistake, keep being disobedient, keep sinning against God. But still He chooses to forgive, if only I confess and repent. 

Acts 3:19,¹⁹Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.

I realize that we, humans, never learn our lesson. We keep on repeating the same old mistake, again and again. We always choose to learn from the hard way. That God must afflict us with illness and problems, then only we realize what a mess and wrong we had done. 

God shows His grace to us, because He loves us so much. I pray that we will not take it for granted. For His grace is sufficient, nothing more, nothing less. Just nice.

We should always have an anguish heart, a repenting heart. A heart that cries out, that remorse. Being humble to admit that we all have fall short, and sinned. 

God is not looking for someone that is free from sin. No one is. God is looking for someone that is humble to admit. Hungry for God's love. Constantly judging himself, and asking for God's forgiveness. God is looking for someone that says, "I'm nothing without You"

Always remember that we are all sinners. We make mistake. We all fall down. We were lost a one point in our life. Doing things that we regret. We all have scars. Bonded by fear. Seeking for worldly attention, affection, fame, popularity, status, money. I was once there. Everyone was once there, craving for earthly things. 

But only few would have the desire to let go. 

Praying is important. Really vital. Don't ever think that your prayers are not taken into account. 

Wait upon God. Persevere. Constantly pray, having a strong desire to know Him. Pray that our hearts will be convicted. Pray that God will use us.  

Pray for His will to be done.

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
   neither are your ways my ways,” 
            declares the LORD. 
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
   so are my ways higher than your ways 
   and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

Father God, I pray for our heart will stay strong. We need Your strength oh God. Without you, we are nothing. Just dust. There's so many times we feel like giving up. I pray that we will find hope in You again. We may feel that we're worthless, pathetic, and useless. But still we're caught in Your love and grace. Your word still say:" ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (james 4:8)

How awesome and great you are. My hope is renewed, and I shall sing praises and worship to You, and only You. 

Amen. :) 

More than Blessed.

It's really a great honour to study in my school - SMK Batu Lapan. We always felt that our school is the last school that we would ever study. Why? We had unappetizing and limited choice of food in the canteen, problematic teachers/headmistress, inactive co-curricular, etc, compared to others school. Why not give thanks and be contented for the things we have rather than listing down the things we do not have? Is not it better? I was once in the first category until today.

My perspective towards my teachers, school and fellow friends totally changed recently. As I count the days towards the start of my major exam - SPM, I knew that my last days in school are also reaching. I realize that we never sincerely appreciate what we have until it is lose it. Just like an old saying: "we often cry over a spilled milk."

I had a really blessed week today when I came across really helpful and dedicated teachers that really pour out time and effort to support and give me last minute advises. I felt so touched by my teachers and friends having such selfless attitude while many would rather be anguish and be self-concerned.

Throughout this week or should I say, this month, I had learned to be selfless, humble, meek, loving, kind, patient and last but not least, having total faith in God. It is not my might, strength or even my luck to be capable of going through this season. It is not the works of my hands that brought me here today. It is God. It is HE who provides me with wisdom and intellectual skills. It is he that I am successful. God gives, God takes, God names forever be glorified.

I often had a prideful mindset of I could not learn much from weaker or younger individuals. But if only listen twice as much as we speak. The only thing we need to do is to be humble and gentle, swallowing our pride for just ONCE. We will see and learn things we would not expect. I urge you to try it.

Until I blog again,


Walk with God. Walk with love. 


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 corinthians 13:4-9


God bless.